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Fri, Aug. 4th, 2006, 12:04 pm
Adventures on Frumster

Its been a while since I've been in trouble. When you're all grown up and adult, youre usually the one making the rules so that thrill of breaking rules is kind of gone. But thanks to our favorite dating website, the feeling is back. Yup, the dating folks kicked my sweet self off their holy site.

So I signed up for the dating site a month ago for some kicks and giggles. I got more than I bargained for but that's a story for another time. So I started out with a semi normal profile and then after a couple days I said screw it theres no one here anyway I'm gonna have some fun.

So I posted this:

About myself:
24 degrees here in hell. its a warm day. were thinking of going swimming but our counselor said we cant because were in hell.

i think everyone should please write their names on their shirts. otherwise how should we know who is who? personally i tatooed my brothers name on my cheek because i wanted to confuse people who shout my name in dark alleyways.

why are you looking at my profile? stop staring at me. what, you think im crazy? i am not even a person. im an algorithm.

What im looking for:
knock knock. the door crashed down with a loud smash. bewildered, he looked around, unsure why his light knock had caused this great disaster. he stepped gingerly forward, unwilling to leave this mysterious scene. from inside, the smell of roasting coconuts wafted toward him. his nostrils embraced the familiar scent and he advanced toward its enchanting essence.

stay tuned for the next episode of the door.

we would like to thank our viewers for the last time they tried to eat soda but it just wouldnt chew.

I was inundated by responses and kept that up for a while. Then I got into switching it all the time. Mostly I wrote random stuff that didn't speak about me but the last one actually did. And people clearly got a kick out of them since I got like 250 emails in a month.

Since the site wasnt exactly full of the type of people I'm interested in, I decided to end my adventures and my membership after a month. The last day I once again changed my profile, but this time I actually did include some info about myself and what I'm looking for. Really. Check it out:


But somehow the royal patrol of frumster police happened upon it and weren't happy. So they booted me off. Just like that. I got this email:

Dear D,

Your profile needs to be updated. You will not be able to communicate with anyone nor will your profile be available publicly until the following change is made:

This could be because you did not fill out any description at all, or because it contained no substantive information.

Warm Regards,

The Frumster Team

so I wrote back

To whom it may concern

I firmly disagree with you that my profile lacks substance. Ive browsed many frumster profiles over the past month and have found few that were as substantive as mine. Saying things that are witty and irreverent does not in any way preclude my profile from conveying a clear image of who I am. Redundant generic words such as nice, caring, sweet, etc. could never convey as much as what I wrote.

My profile was written the way it was to weed out the generic type of people and leave me with those who were smart, deep, unconventional, and appreciate humor. If you didn't understand it, you may want to have someone who meets that criteria read it and tell you what they think.

There is actually quite a bit of substance in my profile if you read between the lines. I'd offer to explain the underlying message but I don't want to be condescending.

I appreciate your efforts to keep the site clean of jokesters but as my profile clearly demonstrates I am quite serious.

Warmest wishes for a meaningful fast,


I didnt really expect a response although I was a little scared they'd get nasty and start quoting from emails I got or something (word is they can read all correspondance). But shockingly my letter got this response.

Dear D,

Your profile has been approved by our team of screeners. Other members may now see your profile publicly. If you sent any messages, they will now be delivered to the recipients.

Best success on your search!

Frumster Screening

It feels good to win. :)

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 02:20 pm (UTC)

Amusing profile. If only more were like that, I would maybe contemplate signing up for a frumster account. So did you cancel your account in the end? (And since I have never done frumster before... are there any "normal" (and by normal I mean just abnormal enough to be acceptable) people on there?)

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC)

i cant vouch for the girls....i pretty much stayed on my side of the mechitzah...

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)

And the guys?

(BTW... this post comes up under "nasty adult humor". Shame on you!!! http://www.ljseek.com/Nasty-Adult-Humor_s4Zp1.html )

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)

thats a story for another time. (i remet totalenigma and dearestwesley there).

should i ask y u were doing a search for nasty adult humor?

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC)

Hold on there... totalenigma and dearestwesley are GUYS? I never would have guessed. What do you mean by remet???

(I was wondering where they suddenly popped up from...)

I knew you'd ask... I wasn't... try googling itsaninvestment and let me know what search result #4 is...

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 10:24 pm (UTC)

:) of course theyre guys. girls dont write those kinna song lyrics to me.

Mon, Aug. 7th, 2006 11:37 pm (UTC)

It was a little peculiar... still didn't have a clue though...

So... did you do the google search?

Looks like you "by mistake" forgot to answer one of my questions... What do you mean by remet?

Tue, Aug. 8th, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)

i mean met again.

Tue, Aug. 8th, 2006 03:20 am (UTC)

Yes. I understood that. I mean... you know them from the cybervelt or for real?

Wow... so you have a whole gaggle of guys going gaga for you... I mean your writing...

Wed, Aug. 9th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC)

purple haze is a kind of weed

Thu, Aug. 10th, 2006 03:33 am (UTC)

no S moron! check this out

Fri, Aug. 11th, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)
dearestwestley: Wow!

Did someone say Purple?

Fri, Aug. 11th, 2006 11:45 am (UTC)
dearestwestley: Let me just say

You are Devastatingly Attractive!

Fri, Aug. 11th, 2006 01:32 pm (UTC)
itsaninvestment: Re: Let me just say

and a terrific plagiarizer!